Chinedu 2

  

If I say that I was not scared, then I’d probably be the biggest liar on earth. But then, as human nature would be, we always try to give plausible excuses for situations or events which we do not understand. In the end, we even end up believing our own excuses, anything at all, just so that we would avoid facing our fears squarely. In my own case now, I just conveniently imagined that the whole episode did not take place. As far as I was concerned Nneoma did not wake me up that night to warn me of my impending miscarriage, neither did I hear her say that it was Chinedu who informed her about it. I simply chose to believe that I’d woken up that night to ease myself only to notice the blood. That was the only way I decided to address my fears, by lying to myself about it.

I called my next-door neighbor Ogechi, who also happened to be a gynaecologist. She rushed over to my house and managed to get me to the hospital within 15 minutes. But that was before we’d taken Nneoma over to Ogechi’s house to spend the rest of the night. She was so scared when she saw the blood and thought I would die too.  I was a bit shocked and confused at the same time. How could I not know that I was pregnant. I guess I was so deep in grief I didn’t even notice that I’d not seen my period for some time.

When we got to the hospital, the bleeding was contained and then with the help of the doctor on call, Ogechi ran a few tests. I had to spend the rest of the night at the hospital because the doctor told me it was the safest thing to do and I was still weak even though the pain had now reduced to a dull ache. I guess they must have given me something to reduce the pain. The baby was fine but I had to be careful not to stress myself. Ogechi sat down beside me and we talked for some time. She tried to counsel me, telling me to take it easy and to start taking care of myself. I was really grateful for all her words of encouragement but at the same time, I just wanted to be alone. Ogechi left me to my thoughts after promising to come back with Nneoma later in the day and to contact my sister Uchechi. I certainly did not want to inform my mother of the incident, at least not yet.

I must have fallen asleep immediately she left because the next thing I could remember was opening my eyes to see my sister sitting at the foot of the bed, tears streaming from her eyes. She quickly wiped her eyes as soon as she saw I was awake.

‘Uche, when did you arrive?’ I asked trying to sit up.
‘As soon as I heard.’ She replied rushing up to my side to help me up.
‘Chiamaka, how did this happen?’
I sighed. Should I tell her the truth? What would she say? How would she react?
‘I don’t know. I just woke up to ease myself at night and experienced a sharp pain on my tummy then I saw the blood…’  I lied to my sister and to myself.
‘God! How could this happen to you eh? Who is behind all these? God forbid bad thing! Our enemies will never succeed! Tufiakwa! ‘

I smiled weakly. Uchechi certainly knew how to blow up things. She always believed that people are out to get her for one thing or the other. Somehow, I needed her rage for it was a blessed distraction from the confusion which filled my mind at the moment. It was also a reminder that I shouldn’t tell her what happened between me and Nneoma earlier in the day. She’d definitely blow that out of proportion as well.

‘But, Chii…Have you told mommy?’
I shook my head quickly.
‘Please….not yet. You know she’s hypertensive and Ukadike’s death was a big blow to her’
‘Dike’s death was a big blow to all of us’ she reiterated shaking her head out of pity for me, ‘You most especially. I wonder why all these things are happening to you eh Chii?’
I was just about to tell her that it was the will of God and I’ve already accepted it that way when I heard Nneoma scream

‘Mommyyyyy!!’

She ran into the room, closely followed by Ogechi, and jumped on the bed hugging me tightly even before Uchechi could make an effort to stop her. I winced visibly as she hugged me but just so she wouldn’t see my face. Then she moved back and looked at me and said.
‘Mommy, I was so scared. I thought you were going to die.’ She said
I smiled as I pulled her cheek playfully.
‘I am not going anywhere for the next 100 years my dear. You are stuck with me for the rest of your life.’ And she laughed loudly and hugged me again. This time around, Uchechi pulled us apart quickly
‘Come and greet me young lady and leave your mother to rest I nugo?’
‘And how is our mama ejima this morning?’ Ogechi asked gaily.
‘I’m ok. We thank God’
‘Doctor, I don’t know how to thank you. If not for you, God knows what would have happened to my sister. May God bless you immensely?’ Uche addressed Ogechi full of appreciation.
‘Oh my sister, please. I was just doing my job. Nothing will happen to Chiamaka at all. It is not her portion.’

Ogechi left after making small talk. She also gave me a rundown of the test results. I was over three months pregnant, which means that I conceived shortly before Ukadike died. She suggested bed rest throughout the rest of the second trimester of the pregnancy and advised me not to stress myself at all. Ogechi came with some beverages which I took. I left the hospital the next day.

Uchechi came to stay with me for some time, she also helped to make arrangements for a nanny to take care of Nneoma and a housemaid to do the house chores. Things slowly slipped back to normal after a few weeks. Nneoma never talked about Chinedu again. I even tried getting her to tell me what really happened the night I almost miscarried, just out of curiosity, and all she said was that she couldn’t remember. When I asked her if she really did see Chinedu, she just stared at me without saying anything.

Two months later, I was up and about but still trying not to stress myself. All seemed to be going on quite well until one Saturday afternoon, I was coming from the kitchen after informing Ngozika, my housemaid, what to cook for dinner and was just about to pass Nneoma’s room when I heard her laughing loudly. Now, it wouldn’t have seemed strange at all if there was someone else in that room with her, but I was sure that she was in there alone.

I slowly tiptoed to her door and slightly opening the door just to a crack, I peered into the room. Nneoma was sitting on the floor, her back towards the door, staring into space and laughing happily. I’d never seen her this happy since the accident. It was as if she was lost in her own world where she was with a close friend and they had just shared a private joke. I watched her as she stopped laughing and cocked her head to one side as if to listen closely to what someone was whispering into her ear. They she suddenly threw back her head and laughed loudly

‘It will be a really good thing if you can do that, but she will never believe me if I tell her’, she said smiling
‘Who will never believe you if you tell her what?’ I couldn’t help myself as I asked suddenly stepping into the room. Nneoma started and turned around to face me slowly with the look of someone who’d been caught doing a very bad thing.
‘Mommy? I….I…’ she stammered and stopped.
‘Nneoma, who were you speaking to just now?’
She stared at me guiltily yet refused to speak.
‘Nneoma!! Can’t you hear me? I said who were you speaking to just now?’
‘Nobody mommy’
‘Shut up you liar! Tell me the truth before I slap you!’ I threatened her more out of fear than anger.

She still refused to speak. I didn’t even know when it happened but before I could explain it, I’d already smacked her hard on the cheek and was about to hit her again when she suddenly screamed loudly.
‘He said you’ll beat me if I tell you!’
‘Who said?’ I stopped.
‘Chinedu!’ She screamed tears were now streaming down her cheeks in tiny rivulets.
‘What are you talking about?’ I asked

A strange chill settled over me as my eyes quickly searched the room in fear, half expecting to find ghosts hidden all over in the room waiting to spring up on me at any moment. My fears were not assuaged even after not seeing any ghosts so I dragged Nneoma out of her room into my own room and sat her down on the bed
‘Nneoma, I’ve warned you severally about this joke of yours.’
‘Mommy, I’m not joking I swear!’
‘Stop swearing when you know you’re lying!’ I shouted, wanting desperately to remain in denial of the fact that my daughter was still communicating with my dead son.
‘I’m not lying! I am not lying. I saw him!’ she shouted back.

I was taken aback for a moment. Nneoma never spoke back to me not to talk of shouting at me. I was speechless for quite some time just staring at her. She stared back at me in defiance, like she was very sure of what she just said and couldn’t care less if  I  didn’t want to believe her. I sighed out of resignation as soon as I realized that I could not ignore this anymore. I had to get to the root of the matter. So, I calmed down and asked her quietly.

‘Nne m, please, tell me the truth. Who were you speaking with just now?’
‘Chinedu.’, she replied readily
‘For how long has this been going on?’ I asked
‘Since…since that day I told you I saw him at night.’
‘He speaks to you?’
‘Yes mommy. But he said I should not tell you. He said you’ll beat me if I tell you. He also said you will start crying again’ she continued in dismay as she saw a tear drop from my left eye. I quickly wiped off the tear.
‘What does he talk to you about?’

‘He tells me about where he’s staying now. He said you shouldn’t cry anymore and that you should take very good care of yourself for the sake of the baby.’
I smiled sadly. That sounded just like Chinedu who always sensed my moods somehow when he was alive. But what could he possibly mean by seeing me sooner than I thought?
‘He also said you’ll see him again very soon. Sooner than you think.’
I quickly looked away from her so that she won’t see the uncontrollable tears that streamed down my face now.

Even though the thought was a bit disturbing that over four months of my son’s demise, he still appeared to and conversed with my younger child, I somehow wanted to believe that maybe, just maybe, this was true. What if Nneoma was really seeing Chinedu as she claims? What if Chinedu was still around me wanting to touch me, to protect me, watching over me like a guardian angel? It was a nice thought, even if it was a bit scary. I looked at Nneoma, this time, a look filled with hope.

‘So, what else did he tell you?’
Nneoma smiled and said

‘He said he’ll be coming back very soon’.
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